rhiannon_s: (brain)
If you have flashbacks then you probably already know this, but the worst part about suffering from flashbacks to trauma events is that sometimes you also have "flash presents" too. It is where something similar to what you flashback to occurs in the present and for some reason your mind insists you are actually having a flashback. Or you get caught in a loop and you can't tell what is happening "now" from what was happening "then".

I just had one of those moments.

I'm so used to late night noise outside (usually something as innocuous as a fox investigating the bins, a really heavy truck going by, or even the postman, as the trigger) inspiring a panic flashback to a time where there really were daily disturbances outside and hammering on doors (and also a separate time where it involved aggressive debt collectors) and it freaked me the hell out that someone hammering drunkenly on the door of the flat downstairs just triggered a (mild, admittedly) flashback, then my coping "calming" techniques kicked in as I reminded myself it wasn't really and it isn't really happening "now", followed by the rest of my brain tagging along at the arse end of the cow to tell me there was indeed someone hammering on downstair's door and what did I want to do about it? The mental crashing of gears was quite impressive.

If very little of this is making sense though, it is because the answer to "what did I want to do about it" has involved me taking a number of valium and a couple of tramadol (yes, I have it all on legal prescription, don't worry), to calm myself down and hopefully let my brain slowly process it all.

It was just weird to have my brain react to a stimulus by essentially going "wouldn't this be weird if it was happening now, oh shit it is". Total out of body/out of temporal context experience.
rhiannon_s: (Default)
just watching #UndercoverBoss, this might be premature since it is just halfway mark, but I think I'm seeing a boss on it who gets it. Bad management is endemic in his workforce (and the entire UK workforce tbh) and is causing his company problems. Junior and middle-management are making his front line staff's lives a misery and causing strategic cashflow losses. I hope I'm not wrong and he does get it, if he does I hope he actually shares the revelation around. UK management culture all needs to really, really change.

Yeah mate, I've worked in two places where staff had problems so bad they needed to get a petition started. He's just said that he'd never heard of that happening before. Yeah, it happens.


rhiannon_s: (Default)

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